The other day I was filling up at a gas station in Cheras when I noticed something odd. A lone motorcyclist was darting from pump to pump and the drivers were scampering off, just as quickly. It looked like a botched robbery attempt to me.
Maybe this inept robber was brandishing a butter knife or something, I thought to myself. Anyway, everyone appeared to be very alert and took off faster than P.I. Bala. I was the only guy left standing at the last pump.
As you would have guessed, he came for me. I pulled out the nozzle and pointed it at his direction, with my finger on the trigger. Was going to spray him with subsidised petrol and threaten him with a lighted match. Go on Mofo! Make My Day!
Go On Mofo… Make My Day!
Eh… I forgot two things in the heat of the moment. I have given up smoking two years ago and did not have a single match with me. If I had, I will probably be blowing him up along with my car. And bury us all in a deep crater in Cheras. It should be cheaper handing over my wallet and Galaxy S.
He stopped right in front of me. Seeing a loaded, dripping nozzle pointing at his face, he lifted his visor carefully and asked meekly. “Abang, boleh tanya di mana Taman Konot?” (“Bro, could you tell me where is Taman Connaught?”). I gave him the directions but before I could lecture him on approaching people with a dark full-faced visor, he dashed off as fast as he landed.
A week later, I met a very polite extortionist on a motorcycle. I pulled over by the roadside and was fiddling with my GPS near my alma mater, Setapak High School. A macha on a bike rode up next to my car and knocked on the side window. I rolled it down partially and was going to jab his eyes with my Manfrotto monopod, if needed. He asked me in an unconvincing, robotic voice “Boleh bagi dua ringgit isi minyak?” (Can give two bucks for petrol?”).
I got so pissed and told him angrily that next time he should put some emotion into his delivery. Or at least push his bike in order to elicit some sympathy. He burst out laughing suddenly, said he agree wholeheartedly and rode off happily into the sunset. Didn’t see him running out of petrol for sure. Mofos!
